Where I spent my afternoon

My mother, Cheryl, and I visited Kerner Ridge today. They have a nice memory neighborhood with up to 14 beds, but currently at capacity with 12 because of two single occupancies. Most of the residents are women, as are most of those on the waiting list. Dad would be the second man on the list, with first preference given to a gentleman already living at the facility, but not yet in the memory neighborhood.

We don't plan to compare places, since having Dad close to home is a priority and this place was nicer than we'd hoped for. (Of course, it's also more expensive than we'd hoped for.) There is a nice, restaurant-style dining room and adjoining day-room for community TV watching, lounging, and such. The thing that impressed me the most was an outdoor area with a short, but pretty, walking path and several seating arrangements. Dad likes to take walks, so we anticipate him enjoying this feature.

One perk is that this facility is right across the street from my parents' church, which they've been attending for the past 30-something years. The staff will be able to prepared Dad for church by getting him dressed and fed on Sunday mornings, having shaved him and trimmed his beard earlier in the week, leaving Mom to just pick him up on her way in and take him with her to church. If there is ever a time when he is unable to get out and make the transition back in, there are church services on-site, with a rotating flavor of delivery.

The fact that it's such a small community means that the residents become like family, which is what we've heard from others with family members in memory care facilities. We are allowed to visit whenever and the grandkids are also allowed to come. We can join Dad for lunch or dinner for a very small fee as long as we give them a bit of a notice to plan for the extra portions.

Mom filled out the form for the waiting list and should either fax it tomorrow or has already faxed it today. She needed Cheryl's signature as Dad's power of attorney. We're still hoping and praying for the VA to come through with some benefits for Dad that would help offset the cost of the place, but we have more reason to hope for that sort of assistance than we ever did before. Otherwise, I'm not sure it's within our means to pay for the high cost of that kind of care, whether it's time for him to receive it or not.

Which serves as a poignant reminder for me as to why I took this high school job. No matter what else, I must plan for a future that might include long term care in an assisted living facililty. I can't leave my family struggling to pull the funds together because I was too negligent to think ahead. If I'm a little freaked out and hyper-tensive because of more to worry about, then so be it. Benefits are important for my family, and not just for me. I won't leave Mara, who is an only child, without resources to help her if the need arises.

Mom did well today. She said she spent Monday of last week crying and has cried herself out for now. She dealt with this decision then, so it wasn't hard for her to accept this place. After our tour, she remarked that this was not at all what she imagined when she thought of putting Dad in a nursing home. Of course, that's one of the nice differences between a nursing home and assisted living, but also it goes to show how health care has come along in regards to preserving humanity and dignity in the last years of life. I think Mom is relieved and we all seem to think Dad will deal with this much more easily than if the place had been otherwise.